#3: Gustav Graves (Die Another Day)

The Man; the Legend; the Wimp:

If you're gonna be a laughably incompetent pansy, I suppose it would help to be a cultured, laughably incompetent pansy. British diamond aficionado and all-around socialite Gustav Graves struck fear into the hearts of four year olds all across the globe as the antagonist in the most recent James Bond flick "Die Another Day." His whole evil schmeel was to create an equally-as-evil satellite that could give him control over the U.S. and other places where diamonds may be found. Along the way he gave us some classic moments of sheer wussiness and many reasons why he's one of the most wimpiest villains of all time. Let's check 'em out, but remember to watch out for Gustav's most dangerous weapon of all: his Richie Rich-style haircut.


"Did they really say that?" From the Mouth of a True Wimp:


Reporter: Mr. Graves, is it true that you never sleep?
Gustav: You only get one shot at life, why waste it on sleep?

Gustav: (to James Bond) It's only by living on the edge that we know who we really are... under the skin. (!)

Gustav: You see Mr. Bond, you can't kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you!

Gustav: I never get furious. As we say in fencing, "what's the point?" (ed- jeez he's such a wimp)


... And the Crowning Achievement in Wimpiness...

Gustav and Bond are engaged in a fencing match when James nicks Gustav on his wrist. The dialogue that would ensue would forever signify Mr. Graves as a wimp of the highest order:

Bond: (after cutting Gustav on the wrist) Oh, do you wanna continue?

Gustav: OF COURSE I WANNA BLOODY CONTINUE!!!


At that point there was no turning back- Gustav may have wrecked the namesake of the cultured, wine drinking, British villain til the end of time (or at least until the next Bond flick). But, just for kicks, I'll leave you with a little check up on 'ol Gustav's current status.

Wimp Status: DECEASED; sucked into airplane motor. Kinda messy, but James Bond did it, so we'll let it slide.

Keep your eyes open for our next Wimpiest Villain of All Time because, after all, that's the only way that we can know who we really are... under the skin.

Adios!