Saturday, March 25, 2006

Drew's Irrelevant and Time Killing Moment of the Week

I come here today, sober as a Morman, with a chilling proposition. Why, as a matter of fact:

I'm challenging you!

You heard me right- I'm pulling out all the roadblocks and, indeed, getting "all up in yo grill." But what am I challenging? Am I daring you to eat six crackers within a minute? Am I bullying you into stealing a cheeky street sign of some sort? Ha, you think so small my friend. So. Very. Small.

I challenge you to spend less than five minutes at this web site!

It's true- I wish it didn't have to come to this, but you had to push me. You pulled on my leg hair and thought I wouldn't strike back but- SHASHA! Now you'll be the one running around with your tail someone between leg one and two. It's true, now we're even my friend. Or should I say "steven?" Cosmic...

Oh, and if you didn't spend more than five minutes at this website then just disregard all of that hard edged Eastwood talk. Unless you thought it was cool. In that case, feel free to cut and paste :-).

~ Adios!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Assignment #4: Due Tomorrow

Nah, just kidding! Assignment #4 isn't due tomorrow. Wait... or is it? Oh my God, I gotta throw something together fast!

But let's be serious, assignment #4 is nothing to be put off til the last minute (besides, that's what assignments 1-3 were for :-)). After all, we're making a web site. Ya know, like the kind of thing that the Facebook's on. Ah, now you're reading me :-).

Personally, I'm pretty thrilled by this assignment. I've always had an outside interest in what goes into making a website. Also, I think it's a useful tool to have for future jobs and- if time permits- for leisure. Being the tragic, tortured musician that I am, I'd love to make my own website to post my original tunes for private and public ridicule. At the very least, I just hope it'll look better than the Drudge Report :-).

But to the ground round of this ordeal. We'll be creating a proposal to present to the English department (one that intends to improve something or another about how it's being run). Personally, I find this pretty dern interesting, mainly because it requires a greater level of personal involvement then the past assignments. Us students will actually be forced to think about something that's less than adequate in our environment and- most importantly- a way to remedy that issue. Please note though, that carpet color is not the most pressing issue to propose against :-).

So when it comes to long and shrimpy of assignment 4, I most certainly approve. Why, I wish I had two more hands so I could... finish this assignment faster. I mean, have you ever wondered how your life would improve if you had two more hands?! But that, my friends, is another post all together.

Naturally, I'll leave you with my proposal to the English Department: No more essays :-)

Adios!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Visual Excercises for Technical Communication: the Greatest CD since the Titanic Soundtrack

What I found most interesting on this CD was the information about framing and emphasis. It suggested that certain frames and emphasis on certain aspects of a photo cause the reader to see it in a particular way that they may not have seen it beforehand. I find it fascinating how an author can use these techniques (along with human nature and impulses) to manipulate how the reader sees an image. I suppose emphasis and framing are two of marketing's most priceless techniques :-).

Otherwise, the CD was all gold. Likewise, another thing that's pure gold is the film Hustle and Flow, but I suppose that's for another, gang bangin' post alltogether...

Adios!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

#3: Gustav Graves (Die Another Day)


The Man; the Legend; the Wimp:

If you're gonna be a laughably incompetent pansy, I suppose it would help to be a cultured, laughably incompetent pansy. British diamond aficionado and all-around socialite Gustav Graves struck fear into the hearts of four year olds all across the globe as the antagonist in the most recent James Bond flick "Die Another Day." His whole evil schmeel was to create an equally-as-evil satellite that could give him control over the U.S. and other places where diamonds may be found. Along the way he gave us some classic moments of sheer wussiness and many reasons why he's one of the most wimpiest villains of all time. Let's check 'em out, but remember to watch out for Gustav's most dangerous weapon of all: his Richie Rich-style haircut.


"Did they really say that?" From the Mouth of a True Wimp:


Reporter: Mr. Graves, is it true that you never sleep?
Gustav: You only get one shot at life, why waste it on sleep?

Gustav: (to James Bond) It's only by living on the edge that we know who we really are... under the skin. (!)

Gustav: You see Mr. Bond, you can't kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you!

Gustav: I never get furious. As we say in fencing, "what's the point?" (ed- jeez he's such a wimp)


... And the Crowning Achievement in Wimpiness...

Gustav and Bond are engaged in a fencing match when James nicks Gustav on his wrist. The dialogue that would ensue would forever signify Mr. Graves as a wimp of the highest order:

Bond: (after cutting Gustav on the wrist) Oh, do you wanna continue?

Gustav: OF COURSE I WANNA BLOODY CONTINUE!!!


At that point there was no turning back- Gustav may have wrecked the namesake of the cultured, wine drinking, British villain til the end of time (or at least until the next Bond flick). But, just for kicks, I'll leave you with a little check up on 'ol Gustav's current status.

Wimp Status: DECEASED; sucked into airplane motor. Kinda messy, but James Bond did it, so we'll let it slide.

Keep your eyes open for our next Wimpiest Villain of All Time because, after all, that's the only way that we can know who we really are... under the skin.

Adios!

The Weakest Links: Counting down the 3 Wimpiest Movie Villains of all Time.

Nothing can make a film quite like a good bad guy. Menacing, terrifying, and usually "up to something," the best villains will capture your sinister imagination and make you love hating them. Antagonists such as the Green Goblin, the Wicked Witch of the West, and even Drago from Rocky IV, for that matter, are all super examples of the most fiendish of foes. Why, hearing their names is almost enough to make you get up and try to save the farm. ;-)

But sometimes, things go wrong. And sometimes things go soo wrong that villains pass the gooey membrane of scowling and tying women to railroad tracks over into a world filled with pansy slapfighting and really bad quotes. Once they reach this sad point of no return, they've officially made my esteemed list of:

The Wimpiest Villains of All Time!!!

Don't clean out your ears, Jack- you heard right! For practical purposes though, I'll only list 3 (but- as anyone who used to watch "Captain Planet" knows- there're plenty more). When listing them off, I'll make sure to tell you:

a) Why they're such hopeless pansies
b) Quotes: some of their biggest hum-dingers
c) Their cou de gras: their one defining, wimpiest moment.

So make sure to keep up with my Blog for the next week or so (after that you're free :-)) to witness the mighty list unfold. But, as for now, I leave you with my most over the top, sinister, General Cobra from the G.I. Joe cartoon, laugh.

Hee hee hee hee hee!!!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Assignment #3: Almost 3 Times Better than the First Assignment.

As I write this, I'm munching on Planters peanuts, sipping on a Petro Mart slushie, and wiping tears from my eyes.

But why would I bring this up? Perhaps it's my can-do mood tonight (or maybe it's just the asbestos snowing from my ceiling), but I feel a certain relevance in these fattening actions:

Assignment #1 was a lot like a bag of seasoned "heat" peanuts: I was excited when I first got into it, but halfway through, I had no idea how I was going to finish it. Spicy and overbearing, I really underestimated the kick of assignment #1. (FYI: I recently realized that I probably picked the worst possible title for my first Assignment. "Nellie McKay: It's a Long Way to the Top." How could you say that about an artist that no one's ever heard of?)

Assignment #2 was more like this Petromart Raspberry Lemonade slushie. Cool and delicious, it goes down smoothly and takes no prisoners on its way. I was quite satisfied with the final product for my second assignment and, hopefully, Marcia will be as well. Did I mention how wonderful and spectacular of a person she is :-)...

Assignment #3, I jest, seems like an entire different beast. I'd relate to most of the items on the Great Wall Chinese Buffet: they look strangely familiar, but you still have no real idea what you're sticking your fork into. I suppose what I mean is that I'm quite familiar with fliers (then again, who isn't?) but I'm still a bit intimidated by the whole challenge of creating an exciting layout- especially if we have to layout this dang thing with my new mortal enemy, Microsoft Word. Yes- he got a good laugh on assignment #2, but I will return the favor. Muhahahaha!

As far as group work goes, I think I'll decide to skip it all together. Why, working in a group environment runs the risk of increasing productivity. And that, my friends, is a risk your's truly cannot take. You can complain all you want about my procrastinatin' ways, but it's in no way affecting my life. Now if you'll excuse me, I still have a few Valentine's cards to mail out. :-)

As for my subject though, I haven't completely decided yet. Perhaps a "procrastination workshop" would make a swell idea for an event. Come to think of it, that's a great idea! I'll start right now! Eh, then again, I'll just do it tomorrow...

But why am I wiping tears from my eyes. THEY KILLED EDGAR ON 24 TONIGHT. They knocked off Pres. Palmer earlier in the season, but- with all due respect- SCREW HIM! Up until the point he croaked on Syntox gas, Edgar was the man. Truthfully, this is almost too much for your's truly to bare. Don't be surprised if you don't see me in class tomorrow...

So as I finish off my Planter's nuts and Petromart slushie, I look ahead to the wonders and blunders of assignment #3. Tasty, indeed.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Hobbies: the Things that Make us Forget About the Agonizing, Agonizing Pain... And Paper Mache!

Everyone with a pulse and an Ipod has a hobby or two. Being the uber-everyman type guy that I am, I happen to have a myriad of hobbies. But, naturally, for organizational purposes, we'll say I have 3 hobbies. In no particular order (but with obvious preference), I give them to you:

1) Playing guitar and writing songs:

My bread and butter. Or maybe my "butter and bread." But then again, who says that?

As far as my satisfaction goes, there's nothing that glees me more than playing that perfect line of notes or penning that phrase that just seems to click. Ever since I picked up my first axe, playing guitar's been my number one pasttime. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite summer memories consist of simply sitting on my parent's back porch and strumming a few chords while the sun goes down. And if that's not enough to sell my irreversible guitar lunacy, I'll let you know that I usually sleep with my favorite acoustic. Hopeless, I know.

Only recently have I really gotten hooked on songwriting. My mom was a published poet of sorts, so I suppose it's a bit hereditary. Either way, songwriting's something that's slowly starting to monopolize yours truly's time. I just noticed how bad it's become when going through a notebook for my Ag. Journalism class. Being my major, such a notebook should define the direction my scholastic life is taking. Strangely enough though, most of the pages are filled with random song lyrics and phrases. Am I trying to tell myself something?

2) Writing Screenplays and Teleplays:

Recently, on a whim of sorts, I've decided that I want to become a television writer. I suppose my writing obsession first occurred a little after last summer {cue the wavy flashback special effects}. It was a cool evening when my best friend called me up. He told me to meet him at the T.G.I. Fridays off Olive Blvd- telling me it was very important. Naturally, I rushed there with haste and met him at a shaded table on the restaurant's porch. He smiled at me quietly and pulled out a bright red notebook. At the moment, I wasn't sure what the heck this was all about until, discreetly, I asked him, "Matt, what the heck is this all about." After a few seconds he filled me in with his idea.

We would write a sitcom- about our lives. Being two college students with little initiative, I was certain that our lives would make a fascinating subject for a television show ;-). Regardless though, I happily went along with it and, in a matter of weeks, we'd come up with about two seasons worth of episodes. We had plently of ideas, no doubt, but we eventually wanted to pen a script. Matt, with absolutely no reservations, told me he couldn't write for squat. The pen was in my hands now- quite literally. I was a science major at the time and hadn't seriously written a thing in a number of years, so I was naturally bewildered by the task. Don't get me wrong- I'd been an outstanding short story writer back in my high school days (my glory years, if you will :-)), but I wasn't sure how my writing would hold up. Nonetheless, I was pretty excited to get back into the vast and neurotic world of writing- even if it entailed nothing more than writing a goofy television show that no one would ever see.

As it turns out, our first two scripts or so were actually pretty good. From that moment on, I became enamored with writing teleplays. Even though it's obviously a writing task, I feel there can be a slightly scientific aspect of writing a television script. There's ingredients you absolutely must add (conflict, comedy), guidelines you must follow (3 acts, 22 minutes worth of material), and factors you can never ignore (how would character X react to event Y). Few things are as thrilling for your's truly than penning a script. Now if only someone would pay me for it :-).

3) Improving myself:

I know, I know- sounds like a cop out, huh? Well Jack, I'll tell you this: if my hobbies are the activities I value the most outside of my daily obligations, then improving myself would most certainly fit the bill. Quite naturally then, I've developed an undying love of self help books. I've read books on public speaking, procrastination, and even romance- each one altering and improving my ways of thinking and living. I find it amazing that there's so many aspects of life that one could improve upon by simply heading down to the 'ol Barnes and Noble and grabbing a paperback. Give it a try- you have my approval to improve :-)

Well there you have it- another fun, informative, and mandatory blog post. Luckily, now you can return to your toils and foils knowing exactly what my 3 favorite hobbies are. A few more of life's mysteries- solved, solved, and solved.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go... well, I suppose you know by now :-).

Let's Call the Whole Thing off

Let's take a second to talk about procrastination.

Then again, let's just talk about it tomorrow...